Sole Mates

Hey shoe guys and gals,

Living in a city like New York or San Francisco, or even a small town where the opportunity for shopping is slim to none, we're all looking for love on some level. Now I know everyone says food or shopping can't fill the void of not having a significant other, but I highly disagree with that. At least the shopping part. Who needs a balding man who doesn't have enough sense to wear sandals without socks, let alone figure out the workings of your vagina, when you can have a shoe that will make you feel fabulous no matter what. Shoe's are always there, and they're so supportive. Now not all pairs are as supportive and trustworthy as others. In fact, shoe's are much like people, with personalities and quirks. Take Norma Jean for example. 

Norma is my pair of Miu Miu blue canvas wedges. Now she may be so last season, or even last year, but she's fabulous non the less, and she's always there for me in a pinch. If I know it's a beautiful spring or summer day and I need someone light and easy to spend the day with, I know I can count on Norma. Her nice blue will give a pop to just about any outfit, without taking too much attention away from my dress or face, and her being a wedge, she's extra supportive, and better for walking over street grates. Norma is the best friend who's always got your back and always sensitive to your feelings and needs, she'd never steal your thunder by outshining a red blazer or sweetheart dress, and she'd always try to make walking across the city as seemless as possible.

Now lets think of how, if at all, a man could be helpful to me in the same situation. If I want someone that's easy to spend a beautiful spring or summer day with, a man is almost definitely going to be less reliable. It's a nice day, say I want to go shopping, or go to Central Park. If I invite Joe-Schmo to the park with me, chance's are he'll arrive way late, leaving me and Norma Jean to stand alone, as most benches would be taken on a nice day; and we can't sit and get grass stains on our new Nanette Lepore dress. Bringing me to my next point, when Joe Schmo does arrive, he'll most definitely be missing a blanket for Norma and I to sit on. And if it's a nice, warm day, you can bet your heels Joe will be sweating. He may even be unshaven, not the sexy lumberjack, 'I style my beard' shaven, but the pubes on face shaven. When a mans face has long little prickles, that resemble the hairs on your lady parts about two weeks after a wax.

Big NO NO. But Norma and I are polite, we'd try to make the best of things, by suggesting a walk. Now men don't know how to walk without grabbing at parts that shouldn't be grabbed at. Ever seen the 'hand in pocket walk?' Where the man and woman are walking, and the man's hand is in the woman's jean pocket. Now you may be thinking, "But Hannah, you said you were wearing your Nanette Lapore dress." One would think skipping the jeans and opting for a skirt or dress would avoid this issue, but beware, men will then just place a hand on your ass as if there was a pocket there anyway. This type of  walk doesn't read intimacy, it reads a man who's trying to keep a leash on his woman. When news flash gentlemen, WE'RE IN HEELS! I don't care how reliable Norma Jean is, when her and I go out, we definitely don't walk as fast together. So gentlemen readers, if you even exist, ass holding is not a fun way to walk. Nor something that will make spending the day together 'easy.' Okay, so say he doesn't grab my ass, maybe he puts his arm around me, romantic at first, but then quite frustrating, as he'll almost always trap my hair underneath his bicep, and the sweating we mentioned earlier, so ew! Then there's also my purse to deal with. And when she falls, pulling her straps up can be too difficult with a smelling giant sucking me into his vortex of Hanes' t-shirts and Levi's jeans. Wrong on so many levels. And finally, the arm around the shoulder can feel like a moving side-hug, uncomfortable and unnecessary. An arm around the waist or hand holding is much more romantic and in sync with the light, airy, summer feeling Norma and I originally had in mind. Gentlemen, the outfit determines your behavior. Jeans or anything casual require nothing more than hand holding for walking. Whereas a dress or skirt, may warrant an arm around the waist.

As you can see, Norma and I will already have had enough trouble just trying to walk through the park with Joe-Schmo, but think of how horrible deciding on what to eat or where to go after the park would be?! Clearly a day with Norma would have been much easier and more enjoyable. Norma and I could walk through the park at our own pace, without having someone putting their sweaty pits on our new Nanette Lepore dress. We could even walk through Barney's and say hello to all the shoes up for adoption, without worrying about how long we took because of a man dragging behind us.

Shoes are like sole mates. Not every Christian Louboutin or Jeffrey Campbell pump is going to be a fit. But when you find a shoe that speaks to you, like I found Norma and many others, it's love at first fitting. Those are the connections that last forever, through spring and summer, winter and fall, through sickness and health, new soles and all; a sole mate will always be easy to spend the day with.So grab your heels and have fun!